Suatu Titik Noktah (by Zack)

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. He called and said he was coming up. It was the third time he came up to see me that week. I carried his excuse of why he came all the way here and went to meet him at the nearby food stall. He was standing there alone, carrying his umbrella. His friend had dropped him off. It was raining and he was shivering. He looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep him warm. I walked up to him and said, "engkau tak perlu lagi datang berjumpa dengan aku," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together. He said, "I miss you." I told him coldly, "jom aku hantar engkau balik." He did not open up his umbrella, I knew he wanted to share mine. I said, "bukak ler payung engkau tu." Unwillingly, he opened up his umbrella and walked with me to the car. He said he hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat. Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!" Disappointed, he asked me to take him to the bus station, he said he would take the bus back home. Maybe it was the rain, all the buses were full of people with umbrellas who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, he looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what he meant. I understand how he must feel when he came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat him like this. With his soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let him stay for the night. However, reality struck again, I said to him coldly, "jom kita cuba stesyen bas yang lain."

In The States, we were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then, there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes driving across the country. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with this guy. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After he graduated he went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish my studies. During that year, I was only able to send an aerogramme, which was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. He was in front of me and I was right behind him. His umbrella had a broken spoke. He looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying his rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, he was too into thinking or whatever he was doing, drifting off the road, he almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take him in my arms, but with the love I had for him, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the cafe where we use to always go. He begged and said, "jom kita masuk kesana kejap, aku janji akan terus balik lepas ini."

With his begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the cafe. I was just sitting on the chair looking like I wanted to leave. He went to the wall and he was looking for something. I knew he was looking for what we wrote on that wall with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Adam & Zaiful was here, Adam had tea and Zaiful was drinking coffee latte. Hope Adam and Zaiful would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." he was looking around for quite a while, then he came back slowly with tears on his eyes. he said, "Adam, aku tak jumpa ler." I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "boleh tak kita pergi sekarang?" I opened up my big black umbrella, he was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. he said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the bus station, didn't say a word to each other. Few months ago, my family wanted me to get married with the girl of their choice. Thinking that it was about time for me to settle down. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and Zaiful, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about it. Zaiful shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to him. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke his heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon to be a husband to my wife. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end that was what I had in mind. The buses are still full, so I called a taxi for him. We were just standing there, waiting, and loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to him, "jaga diri awak baik-baik ya, take good care of yourself." He didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up his misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for him and he got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from him forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see him. I wanted to tell him I still love him, I wanted to tell him to stay, I wanted to tell him so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold raindrops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside. He left, and I did not get anymore of his phone calls even until today. I know he did not see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Adam, I'm that guy Zaiful, using my memory, and his diary I received after one year since he left, writing down these last words.